A Daydream for the Road Ahead
by elvenlogic
Summary: Stolen moments, nothing more. That is what we have, and I cling to them as if they were worth more to me than solid ground. It's almost embarrassing, given the circumstances. I did promise to keep my distance. Narrated by Kurama.
1. Nightshade

It had never been a true romance.

This thing we had come into, whatever it was, was not a romance in the human sense of the word – far from it. This, if anything remotely resembling, was a romance of flesh. A demon romance. A tangling of bodies and passions, an intimate yet choreographed dance of powers. A tentative alliance to all outside parties, who of course remained innocent to the true nature of our engagements. The use of the word romance at all may in fact be far too generous.

Stolen moments were what constituted our affair. He caught me when I was alone, between my duties in the human world and when I was young in my human mind, weaving himself swiftly into my life under cover of darkness. The dead of the night was a common backdrop, and I for one had always found it appropriate, for several reasons. This was how Hiei had wanted it, and this is how we had agreed to carry on… and carry on we did, for longer than was probably prudent. We enjoyed each other. Perhaps it was for different reasons, but at very least the physical enjoyment seemed mutual.

I will admit, I did care for him, even if it wasn't part of the deal. It was foolish, I know.

But I digress.

Looking back on the past is not something I do with any particular grace. Truthfully, I would not wish to look back at all, but… how goes that old adage… one who does not remember his past is bound to repeat it.

Wisdom I will not readily forget.

I do find it odd, of course, that the great bulk of my introspection takes place here of all places, and now of all times, tangled in the sheets and the aftermath, the warm body of my nighttime lover slumbering in the chaos nearby. It is not terribly unusual, of course. I often find my thoughts to be abnormally unruly when this happens. I shift my head, cast my gaze on him. All three of his eyes are closed. His breathing is calm and even and I take a moment to listen. He sleeps peacefully, a rare and delicate repose no doubt fostered by exhaustion and at least some degree of trust – this show of vulnerability would be impossible otherwise. I take solace in this. I remember a time when he refused to stay at all.

I do not move. I cannot. I dare not wake him. Though I have yet to find rest myself, I have had centuries of practice in the exercise of patience. I return to my thoughts.

Tomorrow, this will be forgotten. Despite this brief moment of hedonism, we will return to the tournament, without a word, without a hint to anyone, not even each other. Now especially, there is no time for distraction. We allowed this night to happen because now more than ever, the future – our future, all of our futures – seem tenuous.

I cannot explain his motivations, of course, but I suppose I needed this. We may, after all, be charging to our deaths at the coming of dawn. Perhaps victory awaits us, though the latter may be an overly optimistic conjecture.

Only time will tell.


	2. Sunrise

"Kurama."

I had awoken first this morning. It is early, the sun has not yet risen – our window is open and it is still dark out. I hear him speak my name and cannot help but feel disappointed. I had hoped he would continue to sleep.

I turn my head to look at him, pausing in the motions of dressing myself. Hiei's damaged arm is crossed over his stomach. I was gentle with him last night, and while I'm sure he didn't appreciate my sentiments, he may yet thank me for my prudence. He can hide it all he wants, I can see how much pain it causes him.

"Yes?" I acknowledge him, purposeful in my composure.

He turns his eyes to meet mine, matching my placid tone with the slightest inflection of a growl. "Where are you going?"

I had been planning to go watch the matches, to get a glimpse of our competition before we fight. Although it will be hours before that starts, I also wanted a chance to clear my head, and I figured that the morning solitude would do the trick. I suppose he has a right to know the former, if not the latter, so I tell him. "I'm going to find out who our competition is. I thought it would be a good idea to watch the other teams fight."

He rewards me with a noncommittal grunt. "Bit early for that."

I half expect him to tell me that my endeavors are pointless as well, but this time he does not, so I hedge an invitation. "Perhaps you would like to join me?"

"No." He sits up and looks away, throwing his legs over the side of the bed. "I have other things to take care of."

This causes some concern on my part. "Other things?"

"That's what I said."

I stew over this for a moment. I'm not quite sure what he means by that. I shouldn't push it, but for some reason I do. "Nothing too reckless, I hope."

He is up now, and has gone to get his own clothing. He does not answer me, so I sigh and finish dressing myself, tying a sash snugly around my waist.

_Other things._

I have never been one for prayer, but just now I find myself mentally sending them out to whatever merciful deity listens to demons. I suppose it is for my own comfort more than for any tangible benefit. I can hear Hiei now, moving around behind the wall that separates this room and the bathroom, trying to dress himself with some semblance of dignity. The ragged breathing and subtle notes of pain should be an indicator to me, but I decide not to insult him by charging to his aid. He is so stubborn. I pray that he isn't going to go and do something stupid with that arm.

My frown intensifies. I take a few steps toward the door that leads out into the common area between the rooms, then look over my shoulder. My new perspective affords me a bit of a view through the cracked open bathroom door. "I'm leaving. Do you need anything before I go?"

I hear him draw a steadying breath, pausing midway through dragging his useless hand through a sleeve. "No."

"Alright," I say, although there are other words in my head. I hesitate. I do not want to leave him. He hasn't moved since his last word, and I find myself staring at what I can see of his bare shoulder. He is probably waiting for me to leave now. I shift my weight from one foot to the other as if to take a step, but do not follow through. At last, he turns his head to look at me, eyes narrowed irritably.

He has probably been watching me this whole time, his jagan eye is never truly closed.

We match gazes for a brief moment. An impassive mask has smoothed over my face, almost a reflex by now, one of my more subtle defenses. I lower my head slightly in deference to his unspoken wishes. Then I close the distance between myself and the exit.


End file.
